I have to admit I have been feeling a bit down lately. I have previously expressed some of the difficulties we have been experiencing this year (in the ministry), and my tendency to carry this burden.
Additionally our personal support has been falling. [Mind you we have never been at a point where our core group has felt like we have had an adequate cushion] Back in April I stated to our core group that Ana, Naomi & I could get by on less; so starting this month we are receiving about 40% of what we have been regularly receiving to cover our living & travel expenses. Which should be just enough to cover our food & Naomi’s expenses. Our insurance is already paid (just last month we paid for the whole year up front in order to receive a discount) so we should be fine.
When I compare ourselves to many of the people we are here to help, I can’t help but feel overly blessed. We have a roof over our heads, we have access to clean water (hot water too) & food on the table.
Yet I still struggle with doubt and listening to my human nature. I still worry. And unfortunately it shows.
And although I still get side-tracked with having a pitty-party, God still is good. He still shows up, and still let’s me know he has called us to be with him here.
Case in point:
Yesterday was the monthly pastor’s prayer meeting here at EOC. This is a gathering that pastor Abraham started last year. Normally anywhere from 10 - 30 pastors will come. They pray with & for one another, for the city, national leaders etc.
I was home with Ana & Naomi around 6:30pm when Abraham knocked on the door, he said it was important that I go with him because the pastors wanted to pray for me (as the Director of EOC), the EOC staff & all YUGO teams that will come this year.
Not only were they wanting to pray for me, they were wanting to demonstrate their desire to take action as the body of Christ. They had taken an offering, and wanted to bless us, and plant a seed of partnership with us.
THIS WAS HUGE!
Abraham & I have been praying for this for two years. That the local church would grow from a position of receiving to a position of giving.
I was stunned at God’s timing and how he allowed this to unfold. How this happens while I am walking through a valley, doing a lousy job of trusting him. He is still with us, though!
This is what I read yesterday morning with our staff:
God sometimes allows you to get into a place of testing where your own welfare would be the appropriate thing to consider, if you were not living the life of faith. But if you are, you will joyfully waive your right and allow God to make your choice for you. (Oswald Chambers)
Oh, how I want to live a life of faith. Trusting in His ways. Willing to give up my rights.
Its so easy to say I trust in God when life is easy. But when it gets difficult, even dark; do I really trust him? Do I really live by faith?
Maybe this summer I will learn how to walk the talk.
Thanks to all of you who pray for us. We love you.
Scott
